Everything becomes so hard

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Everything become so complicated

Trusting people is becoming hard

Keeping my grades up is becoming hard

Feeling pretty is becoming hard

Thinking happy thoughts is becoming hard

Doing work is becoming hard

Maintaining a friendship is becoming hard

Doing everything is becoming hard and I don’t like it

or is it just my pessimist thoughts? Why should everything turn out like this? how outrageous -_-

Are we just playing friends?

 

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Friends? that one sentences that make me wonder and realize. do i have any true friends?

as i see nowadays friend is just like making friends because there is benefit or interest if just once lost interest. we’re also lost friendship anyway. is this kind of friendship nowadays?

since elementary school until high school, i don’t really care about friend whether i have many or not. i just let it be. i can get along with someone i don’t know before. Man that was a great moment.

but now since i step university or college, i like to choose friends. maybe that’s just naturally. as i know we’re making friends to take advantage, merit, if there is not benefit anymore. they just go away, they don’t even say “Hi” or “Hello” to you anymore. even if we meet each other sometimes they just keep pretending we’ve never met before. from stranger to stranger. that’s way too funny.

sometimes i think it’s better if from the start i don’t get along with them, if we already get along with them, the closer they are to you, the greater the pain when some of them leave you hanging, leave you behind and even don’t try to help you.  it’s kind of scary when something suddenly changes. especially when someone we know become somebody that we used to know.

that moment when they studied with us together, when they hang around with us, sharing each other, or even singing and playing together. i hate feeling when i admit someone’s as a friend but they don’t. it’s like one hand clapping.

recently i have this in mind ; ” Our Relationship aren’t just playing friends, right?” because i don’t want to be just playing friends. 

friends is not like a game when you want to play it, you come and then when suddenly you get bored, you just go away whenever you want.

i doubt i have any true friends, but who knows? time passed by i believe that i will find some, especially when siting around with them always remind with Allah. that’s some kind of relief and blessing.

You don’t need to make 100 friends. Just make real friends that you care about 100 times as much, Even if you only have one, so long as they’re a friend you really care about.

and accidentally i find this quote from Joquesse Eugenia and really fit my post haha 😀

I no longer have the energy for meaningless friendships, forced interactions or unnecessary conversations. If we don’t vibrate on the same frequency there’s just no reason for us to waste our time. I’d rather have no one and wait for substance than to not feel someone and fake the funk.

Smiling in pain

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Lately i feel so messed up inside, i didn’t come to my campus happily. my friend felt so anxious. they said; what the hell is wrong with you, today? you don’t seem like usual, where the hell is your cheerful character going? but i said that i don’t want to talk about it . to tell them the truth actually i do, but i’m afraid of their reaction. i’m afraid that you will never see me as an equal again, i’m afraid of the pity in your eyes when you realize how screwed up i’am and sometimes i like wondering and mumbling inside. “damn why should they care? playing care, huh? with or without me there is no big difference, right?”

just suddenly my negative thoughts take over my mind, i didn’t know why but i wish i can escape from my feelings and thoughts. man it was just so hard, i feel like i’ve died inside. all of sudden i changed, the boy that once cared way too much about everyone and everything  no longer cared at all.

i guess all of us ever feel this feeling, Feels like your heart is going to burst anytime, but still no one seems to understand not at all. when your heart is crying loudly, trying hard to tell people how much you are hurting inside but you can’t, you just can’t. so in the end all we can do is smiling in pain …

something i hate


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the reallity sure is harsh, for some reason i hate how things work like you know.

i just hate when people find it easier to done but they choose the harder one, okay maybe i’m stupid but what the hell is this, are they more stupid than me i don’t want to be dragged into their stupidness, they understand what they are doing is wrong but still they do it without regret, okay there is no shame doing wrong but you know shame is choose to stay wrong. and i hate it when someone claim that they do ten even though i know they just do one, i hate it when someone force me to do something troublesome and unwanted, and for remind us all the time about what they have given or done something good to us and comes up with an argument man “you really don’t appreciate what i’ve done to you last time, you are the worst.”

man beats me, i just feel like what the …. so you don’t do it sincerely? guess i can’t expect too much on anyone like this. so that’s why sometimes i hate nice people, it doesn’t mean like that. well yeah how to put it ummm …..

in my mind i often think like this for some reason i hate being helped, i hate being treated nicely. but when it comes to reality whenever someone helped me, i just can’t reject it then i feel like i owe to this guy.

i just can’t forget someone’s kindness so easily, the truth that i don’t want to owe anyone anything, i hate being in debt, i don’t know why but i do hate,  i just hate.

and i hate umm what they often call it a friend. but sometimes when it comes to hard situation they just sacrifice their friends like it’s nothing. you know? if you watcch naruto you are sure famous with this word “those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum”  it’s just like “herbivores” must abandon their comrades to avoid predators. some kind of joke right? but this is reality. we can’t deny it, jeez world sure is cruel but for some people who have good position, and have much money so they can do whatever they want with that money this world it’s like heaven but the opposite goes to believers, they think this world is a prison yet i think so.

this world is a prison, even though i’m not that pure and spiritual yet i admire it.

those who enjoy “youth” fit any event or their surroundings to their belief system of “youth” for self-confirmation. For example, those who enjoy “youth” believe lies, secrets, sins and failures are simply the beginning of what makes “youth” interesting. and i just imply that by following “youth”, one ignores the consequences of their actions. 

really i don’t know what i’ve written, how come it ended up like this, so out of topic and still my english is such a mess right? hahaha

i don’t know if u guys get an idea about what i’m talking and mumbling :3

but still, for many things i hate but also there is something i like such as when life gets hard i try to write 😀

Being Kind to others

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We ever wonder about, how must we become a nice and kind to people if the reality they don’t, is it just wasting our time to people who doesn’t understand what we call kindness? or maybe some of us already be nice and kind to others but wait… sometimes world is so cruel. people that we expect to be nice to us sometimes just turn to become a heartless bastard. yeah like they’ve forgotten what we have done to them, the way they treat us different with the way we treat them, and in the end we just regret and say that; why yesterday i helped him/her or anything blablabla ~ and continue babbling “dammit that was all just for nothing, pointless, what a waste of time.”

that’s the problem, we don’t really understand what kindness trully is. so from now on let’s keep this in mind and no need to expect and wish too much if we’ve done, helped, and been kind to others so they will do the same things to us. if someday they pay back our kindness assume that it’s just bonus for us. so nobody get hurt.

okay honestly it is quite hard for me maybe for all of us to implement that in real life, sometimes it’s natural for us to be treated same as the way we treat them (Kindness).

Being good and kind to people not because we want them to treat us good back, but because Allah is kind and He likes kindness.

How to feel better and become better

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“1. If you like someone, wait.
2. Give lots of compliments, even if you’re shy. Everyone else is too.
3. Change. Get a haircut, try new perfume, get new sheets. Become better than you were before.
4. Eat healthier. Learn to cook something fancy.
5. Get up earlier and watch the sun come up.
6. Wear soft clothes, take a bath, drink something warm.
7. Meet someone new, even just a friend.
8. Become closer with your friends and your family. Call your mother. Cry with your best friend. Tell everyone how much you appreciate them.
9. Keep your room clean. Buy some candles. Let the natural light in. 
10. Make a list of reasons why you’ll be better off without them. Believe they are true, because they are. 
11. Listen to new music. 
12. Write everything you’re thinking and feeling. Write letters. Write happy letters, sad letters, and angry letters, even if you’re never going to send them.
13. It’s okay to be sad, but not forever. Sadness is not as beautiful as music makes it seem. Lack of sleep makes your eyes droopy, not deep. Wake up every morning and tell yourself you’re going to have a good day.
14. Go to the library. Don’t forget to look in the music section. 
15. Remove them from your life. Get rid of the things they gave you if they make you sad. They’re not worth it. You will never be happy if you continue to hold on to the things that make you sad.
16. Make new memories.
17. Try to find something to appreciate in everything you do or experience.
18. Being alone is okay, you don’t have to surround yourself with people. 
19. Become your own best friend. Buy yourself coffee and drink it alone in a cafe. Take your time. 
20. Learn to love every bit of yourself.”

Written by 

Temporary life

“Ever thought of how this life is only as important and stressful as we let our minds make it? I mean, our ultimate destination is the Aakhirah (Hereafter), the eternal destination, so why put so much stress on this temporary life? I don’t mean to say that we shouldn’t enjoy life and make the most of it. Rather, I’m saying that in order to be at peace throughout this temporary life and to live relatively worry-free, it would make more sense for us to put our efforts towards preparing for the long term (Aakhirah) over the short term (dunya). Put aside your worries about this life, because ultimately, everything passes. Instead, focus on preparing for the Hereafter, because that is the life that has unlimited possibilities in how incredible it could be. Just have to make sure you earn the right ticket for the right venue when you get there.”
– NadirKeval

Keep moving forward ~

Some advice I gave to a friend that I thought would be nice to share with all of you…


“You’re holding on to the past and letting it control you. The past, both good and bad, is in the past, so leave it there. There’s nothing you can do to change it. If what you left there is meant to be yours, it will return to you. But waiting for that unknown is useless and will only cause you pain. Look at what you have today. It’s true what they say: “The present is a gift.” Be grateful for the pain because it will make you stronger. Be ambitious towards growth and making change towards something better. And recognize that you are surround by blessings, and you must embrace the blessings and new opportunities and adventures in order to truly live and keep moving forward. Allah has not created you to stand still. He has created you to keep looking and moving forward. I know this is easier said than done, but it is not impossible. So, continue to be strong in faith and mind, and go after a better future, not after a bruised and fading past.”

– Nadir Keval

Struggle?

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!”
Rocky Balboa

Character

Imām al-Ghazzālī said,

“Character is an internal state, firmly rooted in the self. Actions stem from it with ease, without need for reflection and thought. So if that internal state is such that beautiful actions arise from it, then that internal state is described as good character. And if that internal state gives rise to ugly actions, then that internal state is referred to as bad character. We have said that it is a firmly rooted internal state because the one who gives in charity occasionally because of some external motivation cannot be described with the character trait of generosity as long as that quality is not firmly established internally. And we said that the actions must come forth with ease because the one who forces himself to spend in charity, or to be silent when angry cannot be described as having the character traits of generosity or forbearance.”

(Iḥyāʼ ʻUlūm ad-Dīn)