Smiling in pain

Lately i feel so messed up inside, i didn’t come to my campus happily. my friend felt so anxious. they said; what the hell is wrong with you, today? you don’t seem like usual, where the hell is your cheerful character going? but i said that i don’t want to talk about it . to tell them the truth actually i do, but i’m afraid of their reaction. i’m afraid that you will never see me as an equal again, i’m afraid of the pity in your eyes when you realize how screwed up i’am and sometimes i like wondering and mumbling inside. “damn why should they care? playing care, huh? with or without me there is no big difference, right?”

just suddenly my negative thoughts take over my mind, i didn’t know why but i wish i can escape from my feelings and thoughts. man it was just so hard, i feel like i’ve died inside. all of sudden i changed, the boy that once cared way too much about everyone and everything  no longer cared at all.

i guess all of us ever feel this feeling, Feels like your heart is going to burst anytime, but still no one seems to understand not at all. when your heart is crying loudly, trying hard to tell people how much you are hurting inside but you can’t, you just can’t. so in the end all we can do is smiling in pain …